I guess I'm in a really rough point right now because I know that my life is kind of shambles right now. I'm doing badly in classes and in the process of getting counseling AGAIN (f@#% out of state insurance!) and... I dunno. I don't even want to talk about the trauma anymore because it's all so ****ing stupid yet every single part of my life is about it. Trying to make new memories and do things the "normal" way (sixteen credit classes, taking on positions, studying with certain people at certain times) just because so much of last year (and my life) hasn't been anything TYPICAL.

I'm filing for special circumstances/disability within the school and it's frustrating because I know I HAVE to because I CAN'T handle my courseload now (will make me eligible for financial aid continuation if I need to stay an extra year due to reduced credit hours) but I don't want to explain "yeah I can't handle sixteen credit semesters so I get all 12-13 and have to stay longer". I'm embarrassed to have PTSD at this point because I don't want to talk about it, or be reminded of it, or come up with excuses as to why I can't/don't do things...

Sorry for the rant I just really hate my PTSD right now, more than anything in the world.