I am concerned that my depression is only going to get worse...both my doctor and counselor recommend that I take time off from working, and go easy on the schooling...because my doctor stated that if I continue to try and force myself to keep going at the pace I am with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and seizures that I am likely to wind up in the hospital.
The trouble is my family....I love my grandparents, but they have a hard time understanding my situation...I am broke right now, applying for SSI...but they, as well as my mother, keep encouraging me to find work. I suppose I should find work for a little while, but it's super tricky in this economy. If I did work, I would have pretty strict guidelines...none of which an employer would be likely to hire me with...
My mom has been worst of all in this...she refuses to talk to me until I do what I am supposed to, yet she threatens to cut me off from things (like my phone and car insurance that are under her name, but I pay for)...I have been told that it would be beneficial to put space between me and my family right now so I can get better, since they seem to only be interested in putting more pressure on me...however, that is also tricky, because my grandfather is struggling with cancer right now...so I am trying to be supportive of him while struggling with losing my job, losing unemployment, losing school financial aid...it has been rough, but the roughest thing of all is that my own mother only thinks depression is an excuse to be lazy...
Even as a child, she always thought I was lying about being sick...a few times it wound me up in the hospital from being so sick, and her refusing to take me to a doctor.
I sometimes feel like she only sees the worst in me, and is unwilling to see the situation for what it is...which is that; I am depressed and am severely struggling with both school and finances....
I supposed more than anything I just needed to vent...like I said, I love my grandparents...and they have been trying very hard to keep me afloat despite the pressure they are putting on me. They send me with food when needed, are always there to help with anything I need....more so than my mom ever was. I am thankful I have them, because without them, I fear I would be on the streets by now....
Again, thanks for letting me vent! If you have suggestions I would love to hear them.