Quote:
Part of what upset me so much was that, even after bringing my dad in to therapy and thinking he finally "got it" he did something today that demonstrates he didn't get it at all. He did exactly what he normally does, which I asked him-- in front of T-- not to do. So it was very helpful to have T acknowledge that I had made myself clear to my dad, and he had simply not listened. When I told her what happened, she literally gasped and said "I can't believe it!"
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Perhaps it would be helpful to recall that it takes time for people to change. I've learned over the years that it often takes multiple reminders, and many repetitions, to master something new/different. In my observation, this goes for me as well as for other people.
So if I could make a suggestion, it would be to have a plan for when this happens, when your dad doesn't act as desired and hoped.
The plan imho would not include being upset with him, saying that he doesn't listen, putting him in the wrong. It would not include questioning his motivation.
The plan would include reminding him, without judgment or strong emotion, what is important for him to do. Something like this:
"Dad, this is just the sort of situation that we talked about with my T. Please try to remember to do _______. It's really important to me. Thanks!"