Today has been a really bad day...infact its been a bad week but todays was espically hard.....its the one year anniversay of my dads death. Ed has really been kicking my butt for a while and went into overdrive todady along with my depression. I don't know how to let myself cry and for that reason ive never really been able to grieve the loss of my father. I carry a lot of shame and guilt in me and the inablitiy to release it and my sadness has me feeling nauseas. I miss him so much and know he'd be so disappointed that im doing this to myself again but it has total control over me right now and i really dont want it but im afraid of not having it at the same time. If i could just let myserlf cry some over all that i have lost i think it might help some.