Matt...I wish I could do something to cheer you up...but sometimes when you are really down the only thing that can help is some medication...there is so many new things now that help...I am taking three kinds of meds now...and am finally feeling a little better...don't get me wrong I still have my bad days..but less often...and there is a little time during the day...i actually laugh...Please Matt...if you are not taking anything...or going to a therapist...you need to now...It is the only way to start getting out of this deep depression you seem to have...Please do it for all of us...because we care!!!!