T,
I am SO angry with myself. I have to sit with the monster inside of me and I HATE IT. I HATE IT. I HATE IT. Now is the time when I feel fear and I feel like people have left me with IT with no escape. I can't even tell anyone, because it only scares other people and makes them angry or other people won't answer my calls. It is SOO freaking painful to know that I have to sit here with this IT and nobody irl cares. Nobody including me. Sorry to disappoint you, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Welcome to the real me and the monster inside of me. It's more like I disappointed myself. I HATE IT. You should ignore me when I'm like this, why reinforce this horrible side of me? I'm going to take my sleep meds as I usually do and go to bed so I can also shun this part of not-me because as God as my witness I WILL make sure IT knows that NOBODY cares, not even ME.