I was taught that you don't show and talk about your emotions regardless of how bad things get so instead I learned to hold everything in and disassociate instead. I wouldn't recommend it and I didn't realize it was what I was doing until recently, but I've done it my whole life.

My world fell out from under me in July. I was crying all the time, drinking, SI, suicidal, a total mess. Not the first time this had happened but the first time in a very long time. I had to tell my husband something; I wasn't holding it in anymore. When I told my husband about it, tried to explain BPD, showed him the traits....I actually went through each trait individually and gave specific examples of how it pertained to me, all he could do was poo-poo the whole idea. He told me anyone could have BPD depending on how you interpret the traits. I felt so invalidated. I haven't talked to him about it since, nor has he asked. Once or twice when I was really upset he's asked me what was wrong and I mentioned that talk and that we never really talked. His answer: "But that was three months ago." I guess, to him, it just disappeared.