The release of tears feels good... but also saddening in itself - a confirmation of the hidden pain.
Oh, to feel wanted, like I'd be missed if I slowly faded away.

I think I'm finally releasing the idealistic but oh-so-missed world I found my first year away from home. It was escape, hope, meaning, and a bit of understanding - but I could not stay. The complexities of the environment caused the abrasive factors of my borderline personality to rear, and I returned home painfully. That was three years ago, but the pain is still stuck around, like food preserved - that should have rotted and been thrown out long ago.
I'm not sure why it's so apparent now... suddenly music from then brings ache, pictures and names bring hollow emptiness. I wish I could erase it all away.

College resumes Tuesday. I've chosen classes I'm excited to take, but the human interaction is fearsome. So tired of the unnatural disconnection... trying is so futile. Surrounded by people and still alone.

Then there's the longing for actual friends, and even a boyfriend - someday a husband! How hopeless.

I think the tears are good... but the pain is tough when it's been hidden...