I have a long history of sexual abuse, so I can understand where you're coming from. As a teenager, I thought that I had to give in to sex to find a guy who would stand up for me & love me. I was dead wrong! I gave up looking for Mr. Right for a little while. Then, my ex-husband came into my life. He was wonderful to me! He really seemed to care about me. I still didn't really have a physical desire to be with a man, but he surely loved me. So, I married him.

As time went by in our marriage, sex became more and more difficult for me. I was always dissociating to "do my duty & please my hub" ~ as I was terrified of losing that safety. After we had children together, sex became very rare. :shame: I hated the dissociation, the guilt, and myself for making him suffer due to me. After 17 years together, we separated for a year before deciding to get a divorce. That took another year to occur.

After about 1 1/2 years away from my hub, I finally began seeing men again. (Which was a long time for me ~ as I feel incomplete, panicky, and severely depressed alone.) Anyway, my bf amazingly brought out an intense desire inside of me. One which I hadn't EVER felt before! We've been together for 3+ years now and we still have that connection.

I think that I just needed some time by myself to get through that misery and let physical desires grow. Before that, I never had physical desires ~ they were merely emotional. Bringing the 2 together is the challenge. Hope that this helps you somewhat! Gentle hugs to you...