I can feel myself slipping again. Yesterday while scrolling through Tumblr, I saw a picture of a puppy in Pakistan whose mama had died and was rotting away and the puppy wouldn't leave her and just sat by her decaying corpse for days. It just made me think, why even go on when there is so much sadness, so much pain and heartache in the world? What's the ****ing point?

I've gotten to the point where it is clear that my depression and behaviors are damaging the people around me and bringing them down and it makes me hate myself. I know I am a huge burden. I feel like they are running out of reasons for me to stay.

I'm tired of fighting constantly. I'm exhausted all the time, and no one can help me. No one "gets it", even when they say they do, they just don't get it from my perspective. I feel empty, and I feel like things will not improve no matter how hard I try. They haven't really ever improved.

I have been searching for answers, for something to fill this hole in my heart that has always been there, and I know that I will never find anything.