Okay, I've posted previously about how my therapist may have been guilty of an ethical violation because he sought advice and support from me about a medical issue.

As most things in therapy do this has blown up into a much much bigger, potentially beneficial thing.

As it turns out, when I'm being totally honest with myself and him, the real issue was that he brought himself into the room. I mean really brought another human in the room.

My old therapist was there, but it was my room.

With this guy, oh... we share the room.

It's much more terrifying than my old therapy. In fact, it's outright petrifying in a way.

In my previous therapy I could count on a rock. Good for me at the time, but wholly unrealistic in the real world. Not so much here, there is no rock. In fact, there is another human in the room, with feelings. He's *there* and in a big way.

I have to deal with that. There is no more idealized version of the therapist. The "perfect" vehicle. The gandalf of my mind.

Here's a guy who is slogging it out just like me. Just like I would encounter in my life. Oh good lord. It's awful.

He also male, and not "neutered" like my old therapist. He's very much a masculine presence. Total guy.

Will this help me? I think so. I really do. Most things that scare the crap out of me, usually end up helping me a lot. He has feelings, but I'm not necessarily responsible for them. Nor him me. I think it highly unlikely that he is going to try to attack me. That's important.

That is if I just don't totally bolt. I really hope I don't do that.