Why don't you go to marriage counseling? There, you can LEARN to communicate. The therapist can actually teach you how to talk to each other, and how to LISTEN. You two cannot throw 40 years away! It would be devastating to do that.

So many people don't know how to communicate and after so many years they just assume the other person knows what they mean, or knows what they want. That couldn't be further from the truth. If you don't talk about things or say what you want or need, you're certainly not going to get it!
No one is a mind-reader.

Ask you wife if she would be open to a marriage counselor. Ask her if she'd be willing to work on this marriage. If she answers no, then you've got your answer as to how much she thinks about this marriage. But I hope she's willing to work on it for both your sakes. God bless & PLEASE let us know how things work out, will you? Take care. Hugs, Lee