hi guys it's me again i am working hard on processing everything that went on in my last session. it was a lot.i talked a lot on here about my T saying my journal drawing were unimportant.some part of me feels it is my mind focusing on this because it is way easier to upset about that then to really face some of the other stuff talked about from my journal.
so i am trying to focus on that today
we talked some about how i deal with interacting with people and ways that i have adapted.like she asked me how i feel about coming here.i said i don't mind coming to see her.she said she knew but i had to deal with people along the way.she asked me how i interact with her secitarygrrrr hate them. anyway.i told her i fill out my check ahead of time i hand it to her and move on i don't have to say a word to her. she was amazed at how i can figure out ways deal with situations like that.she asked about how i feel when i leave the house.i told her i have no problems with going out but in dealing with other people is. i said that the world is filled with horrible, mean people and that is what i would love to deal with. we talked about me never wanting to work again . i told her that i would probably freak out and it wouldn't work out anyway.i couldn't handle that again. i wished i had not said that because she said that she wished that she had helped me better with that. i hate when she thinks she did something wrong. i never told her how bad things were or the stuff i did .in fact still haven't .she has no idea about being brought to the hospital from work because i was freaking out ,or about my hubby bringing me to the clinic.if i don't say anything how can she help me.if it is something that has already happened what can she do to help.if it is her time off it isn't like i can call her or anything. anyway none of that was her fault. she cant be there 24/7 i never want her to be. we talked about a lot more .my wanting to disappear.she brought up the secretary again like how a lot of times she doesn't call to let her know i am here and how a lot of that has to do with how i am so unobtrusive about the way i show up.i have even made it so i don't have to wait around for a receipt. there was a bunch more that was really hard for me .in reading this it all seems so ridiculous to be having such a hard time about talking about these things but it is .i know she even brought up other things from my journal that i just will not deal with at all this is all surface stuff. anyway thanks for reading