I am sorry to hear about the hell you have been through. It would really help if you talked to a therapist about your past. Killing yourself would be so unfair, you are here for a reason. Only the strong ones make it through what you have been through. There will be people that will need to know how you made it through your dark times. The only thing in life we really control is our actions and reactions. It is your choice on how you use what you've learned from the darkness. Your best days are ahead of you. Put the past behind you, nothing you can do about it now. Keep your head up, it can't rain forever...