Quote:
Originally Posted by LydiaB
I have made it a pretty strict rule with my parts that they are not allowed to come on to anybody. This isn't to necessarily protect the system, but to protect other people. There is this one guy, we'll call "K" who one of my parts is obsessed with, but I am just not interested in. Plain and simple. This part doesn't spend a whole lot of time "out" and so 9/10 "K" would be neglected, making him feel inadequate. The part who is in love with "K" seems to think that it's unfair that she not be given the opportunity to accept his advances, or return advances.
The part is a teenager and therefore selfish. I don't have as much control over my parts as I would like to, and so this part still gets in some flirting, making it impossible to cut "K" out of our lives completely. Basically the discussions are limited to facebook only though and I made the mistake of letting the part invite "K" over in which she didn't even show up, and I was forced to deal with him. A guy I am not even interested in. I didn't even know what to do to entertain him. This part is insistent that she sleep with "K" only for me to return and push him away. I am insistent that she drop it immediately. I mean as far as parts go, aren't I, the host the one in charge of who is our partner? And I refuse to hurt people and allow each part to have their own partner. That's basic cheating and there is no excuse for it.
So should I let her pursue "K"? Or should I stick to my grounds that it's not okay? Am I being too sensitive? Have you guys ever had different parts like different people?
|
I take it since you are asking if you should let her do this you have control over this alter in some ways....
bottom line we cant tell you what you should and should not do..only your treatment providers and you can say what you and your alters should and should not do, only you and your alters and your treatment providers can say whether you are being too sensitive,
did I have different parts that liked different people sure did..
almost every one of my alters had their own jobs, purposes and reasons for being, this included things like having their own thoughts about life and who they had for friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, intimate partners... to put it bluntly it was as if each of my alters was a fully functioning human being.. they even had their own religious beliefs, political beliefs, one liked guys another liked gals, another liked both guys and gals, some liked the light stuff others liked things rough and dirty... and I had absolutely no control over what they did whether they dated who... I couldnt even step in when I knew one had set up a date with someone I didnt like.
my therapist and I had many conversations about it. the only conclusion we came to was that I would not tell my best friend who to date, what to do on their date and all that kinds of stuff. so there was no reason why I should do that to my alters.. the bottom line is that they did what they did because thats who and what they were, nothing I did or said was going to change that and on some unconscious level because they were me and I was them before they split off those views and preferences were part of me too. After my alters integrated I know understand how each view point, action and preference that were my alters fits in with my present life to form who and what I am as a whole person again. now as a whole person I understand why what I didnt like when I was not integrated irritated, upset and I pushed that part of my self away from my conscious self.
now when issues come up that concerns those parts of me I had shut off from my self like the preference to lean towards the rougher side of intimacy, or undersanding and siding with a political stand that I once would never had even entertained nor thought of but my alter did, I think about how thankful I am to have that part of myself back with me because without even the conflicting thoughts that were the alters I did not agree with, i would not be who I was when I was born to my mother before I split into alters and I would not be who I am today now that we are all together again.
its like that question of who and what would you be like if you cut off your finger, hand, arm, suddenly went blind or deaf just because you didnt like something you saw or heard, or touched.. would you still be able to function sure but would you still be that well rounded person with out what you physically have. when my therapist asked me to think about that it made things much clearer to me, my trying to force my alters to be and do what they were would be like chopping off a part of my most needed body part..
after that I accepted my alters were part of me so for some reason I must have been attracted to what my alters were, and at that moment the alters I didnt agree with were functioning as if they were human beings, with fully functioning views on their own lifes, environment....
in the end for me and my internal system of alters my therapist and I decided it was best for me to just let them be and continued working on changing what was with in my abilities to change about myself not the alters. they were there for a reason with their own jobs/purposes and reasons for being and if it was to add diversity to my social life so be it lol
again only you, your alters and your own treatment providers can answer those questions about you and your alters.