I feel so dead inside tonight. (actually i've felt this way all day.) I don't know why, i don't even know what triggered it.

I hate my life. I hate everything about it. I can't stand the person i've become. I feel all alone, and i know i am. The truth is the only person i have to blame that one on is myself .

I miss my ex boyfriend but i've found i miss him a lot lately, I often wonder if its him i miss or if its the attention he gave me. Those few amazing moments when i wasn't alone. When for a time i wasn't drowning in it.

Its just been a nightmare of day. I hate it. I hate the ups and downs i hate being alone i hate having so much trouble keeping my food down. I hate hiding the fact that i'm so miserable i lock myself in my room and cry. I'm even becoming paranoid about leaving my house.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lost, and just tired. Tired of living. Tired of trying. Tired of just everything. It's like my whole life is just a battle to keep holding on. But holding on for what? For a moment when maybe for a minute i can smile or laugh again, then later have it just dissappear and once again be left to pick up the peices that have been scattered.

I'm a walking mess tonight and i know it. I just feel so sad, and very very alone.