Wow, this is serious.
Do you have a T? You really need to speak to some one.
I don't si on levels on that extreme. So unsure what advice to give.
But you def need to tell some one a professional.
Please in the mean time, keep your self safe.
What your doing is extremely dangerous and I am actually scared for you right now.
Can you please just call some one now? Doctor? Family?
Tell them

((Hugs)) be strong