Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I agree that we usually need to walk toward what scares us rather than walk away. But I'm a little confused about how this T is different from your last T. Is it a sexual presence? Is he just more communicative? Does the interaction feel more spontaneous?
I certainly remember times with my T when I'd see or hear him interact in different situations and think, "Wow, he's so lively--he's not like that with me." Not sure if it's the same feeling you're experiencing.
For me, the clear ethical boundary crossings are a big deal. Did you ever talk that through? If not, are you sure this realization isn't a way to discount and avoid those lapses?
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My last therapist was a classic blank slate. He was the backdrop against which I fought most of my inner crap. In that sense he was perfect in the therapy. Exactly what I needed.
This new guy is very much *not* a backdrop. He shares bits of his life, he's very open with how he feels, and if something is bothering him, I know it. There is much more interaction *between* us. Not just me to him.
It's been rather shocking actually. If I am going to stay, and I am, then I am going to have to deal with a real person - not a "neutral" bystander. I am going to have to accept that real person can become as benign as that bystander.
It's very frightening actually.
Regarding his seeking comfort from me. True, I need to be wary of that. True, there needs to be some clear boundaries on what kinds of interactions we can and can't have. This *is* still therapy. I am convinced that he gets it.
While my old therapist never once came close to this kind of mistake, he did make some big ones. On occasion when he did offer up something (and he did, he wasn't exactly mute), it was wildly wrong and wildly upsetting. We would move on.
I'm definitely not avoiding an issue here, but rather I think doing my best to face it head on.
Regarding the male presence... It's just a male presence. Lots of energy, lots of action. He's kinetic. Rather strong. I can get easily overwhelmed by that and am very sensitive to and scared of it. Males can be so strong. At work etc... I usually overcompensate and have to be the alpha in the room.
I would like to work on accepting that presence a little better. They are half the population after all. I would like to feel comfortable and more "myself" around them. That's going to be *tough*.
His overall presence is going to make this a hard journey for me, but it's one I know I have to take.