Sweetie, I read your post and I have to say how sorry I am that from such a young age you have had such a horrendous time. Raped at 9 yrs old, not that age matters, rape is an horrific violation. You really do have my sincere sympathy and I extend to you my warmest thoughts that life gets better. Has the person who raped you been brought to justice ? It's never too late to get justice, no matter how hard it may seem, you owe yourself and possibly others that. It's not revenge, it's justice for yourself and maybe other future victims.
If your bf sucks, it clearly is not what you want, is not making you happy, why continue with the relationship. It's better to be alone than in a wrong relationship. Get out, now !
I hope you gain support here, and take on board my comments. I may be a miserable old bit*h but I'm a wise, old miserable bit*h ! (see my posts) Take care x