Ok, I thought she was telling you not to come this year. So you're making that choice. She is giving you a year's notice that she wants to make changes in her life. It does sound like she doesn't want the responsibility of the entire family thing--that it's not just about you.

It sounds like you have lots to process with your T. Your Mom is your Mom, but she's also an individual with her own needs. Maybe if you can recognize her needs as valid, she'll be more likely to recognize yours, too.