Life is tragically depressing; it can feel like a bottomless pit of despair with no end in sight. People here and elsewhere on the Internet and my counselor will attempt to comfort me with statements about having lots of time to change, that things will improve, etc., but realistically nothing ever does, and its hard to believe in will. When I last saw my counselor, she was right when she said that I have virtually no support outside of PC, that the slightest disappointment can make me fall right over. All I can do is come here to make posts like this one in an attempt to let out some negative feelings, visit the chat room in the hope someone can help me, and make badly written and sometimes bloody notes in my 500+ diary that almost nobody knows exists. When I visit PC I am so often crying that it makes me think that 'crying' should be available in the 'My Mood' emotions, and I have started crying in public (thank goodness for prescription sunglasses) because I am too overloaded with emotions to always mask it with a fake smile or the appearance of being fine.

All of this isn't strictly applicable to my love and social life, or more accurately lack thereof, because financially my life is hopelessly depressing too, although I have far more confidence in that improving than meeting women that can like me. Avoiding to look at my bank account balance is now a feature of my daily life; better I not know what it is. Of course, looking at it is inevitable, along with the full realization of where I am at in life.

Nothing like taking inventory of your life and thinking, "I hate my body, I have no friends other than on the Internet, I am broke, uneducated, disliked, and alone," and then someone telling you they either don't believe that this is your life or that all of this will magically change in the future and being unable to understand your skepticism about their overly optimistic predication of what your future will be like.