I absolutely hate this. Now when I post, I always feel like I am complaining. I feel like I am annoying everyone, not having much of a purpose. But, I still post because this is the place I feel most comfortable venting on. I am a little concerned now. I started to trying to go to sleep at 1:00 A.M., but had some trouble. I could seriously not think straight, my thoughts would not concentrate on one thing. No matter how hard I tried, my thoughts just kept wondering, unable to stay on one thing like I wanted it to. This happened for like a half hour, which is really unsual. I was super irritated, even though there was nothing causing it. So I decided I would get up and go to the bathroom, then lay back down. So I did this, but the same thing happened again or about another 30 minutes until I finally fell asleep. Then I woke up a few times during the night. I was pretty restless. This like never happens to me, that's what's concerning. I am scared that I am going to start having troubles falling asleep. And for today, I have been pretty irritated and gloomy. When I got home, I texted my one friend, she FaceTimed me. I was really irritated when talking to her, so I didn't say much. I ended up like laying down on the ground, as if I was trying to fall asleep, when talking. I was so irritated that I eventually just told her that I had to go. I could NOT sit there anymore, I was so bored. So I went out and ate something. After that, I just sat around and watched TV for a while. I almost went to sleep, I had to really try not to. I did not want to do ANYTHING, so I figured I would get a shower. It's the one thing I don't completely dread doing, and it does not require any contact with people. Once I got in, I cried a little bit. Then I washed my hair, afterwards layed down in the tub. I got myself to pretty much wash the front half of my body, then I shaved my armpits. Which I still don't know why, I needed to shave my legs more, since I haven't done it in a couple weeks. But I couldn't get myself to do it this time, I figured I will just do it tomorrow. When I was done, the only things that seemed somewhat appealing were posting on PC and playing minecraft, having music playing. My top four songs that I listen to when I am more gloomy are Anthem of the Angels and Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin, Coming Down by Five Finger Death Punch, and Over and Over by Three Days Grace. There are a lot more, but that's what I feel like listing. (Listen to them, they're really good!) So I climbed up into my bed (I have the top bunk) and started to turn on my ****** tablet. That's what I first tried to post this on, but the battery was getting low and the space bar wasn't working all that well, and it was annoying me. Anyway, when getting ready, I almost cried the whole time. My eyes were really watery, nothing seemed right. I saw a stuff animal that I got in 5th grade. So it made me think of everything that has happened over the years, then that made me think of getting older and graduating. That part made me think of how I am going to die someday, making it a lot harder to hold the tears back. The whole time I was thinking about if my parents or sister were going to come in, and about my friend that wants to talk to me. I am not talking to her right now, it's probably doing her a favor, I would end up being really boring or snappy. I started to think about how I want a laptop for Christmas, and all of the awesome stuff I could do on it. Then I realized that I might not get it, and that I could not do that stuff, making me really upset. I keep thinking about how tomorrow is already the last day of the weekend. Also, about how school goes on for weeks and weeks, the same boring events happening day after day. It's ****ing stupid. Speaking of school, I confused myself the other night. I cried because my science grade went from a 95% to a 99%, but have no clue why really.