My depression is taking over again, driving me insane in a literal sense. I truly hate the holidays because of what it does to me. I haven't seen my family in 8 years, My friends live all over the country, I live alone, I listen to depressing bands like Snow Patrol, I have self harm thoughts. I feel I am wasting away again. I don't really want to be hospitalized again. On a plus note I quit smoking but not sure if this is the right time to quit. It tends to add more stress than anything. The weather is starting to suck. Cold and Grey. Not my cup of tea, I knew I should of moved back down south, but no no I thought I liked this city. I do. But I really hate the winter. Who else hates the winter???? I know I shouldnt complain, there are Canadians and Russians that have it much much worse. I just feel like *****in. Sorry.