I'm not sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, but I hope it's not too out-of-line. I know this is really weird, and I feel awful I feel this way, but lately I've been really missing the hospital. I've been hospitalized multiple times over the past few years. Most of them have been short, but I was at one place for 6 months. While being in the hospital isn't fun, per se, I do really miss the comfort and security. I miss having someone else take care of me, of not having to worry about hurting myself because staff are there to make sure I don't. I'm kind of in a weird place emotionally and behaviorally - I have passive suicidal thoughts, I'm self-harming and the depression is hitting me hard, but I'm not an immediate threat to myself (i.e. don't have a plan or means to kill myself). So I don't need to be in the hospital, but I WANT to be there. I hate that I feel this way - who in their right mind would want to be in a restrictive environment?!

I want to talk to my T about this but I'm afraid that if I ever do NEED to be in the hospital, she wouldn't believe me because she would know that I tend to like being in the hospital

Sorry for rambling...I hope that made at least some sense!