Putting brother in the grave tomorrow and I think I'll just jump in and let them bury me too. I'm so freaking stressed and my husbands stress don't help, not to mention my meds are slowly not working. Why couldn't it have been me? I don't want to die like he did but I wanna die regardless. Not sure how to express how really tired I am of fighting. When he passed he had such a peaceful look on his face. I want to feel that peace. You know everyone sais my family loves me and don't do it but...I'm the one who causes so much stress to them and they worrie so much. Why don't I just fix that? Hubby deserves someone who is adventurous and who likes the same things as him. Someone he could actually have fun with. He likes to go out at night and I'm in bed by 7. We are so different.

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