First i would just like to appologize for not being on here in a while, it has just been too hard. Emotionally I am so unstable, and even thinking about coming on here (in the chance i might have to talk/think about my own problems ... well it has just been to hard.) But I have been doing my best to keep updated on postings here, and i am thinking about each an every one of you.

That being said, these past few weeks have been especially hard on me. I have no one to talk to, and its gotten to the point where i can't even think about things or i will physically feel ill, and will simply lose control and cry uncontrollably. Most of my issues are with my mother .. but I absolutely cannot bring myself to talk to her. I literally wake myself up in the night crying. The first time it happened i was so scared because i woke up bawling my eyes out and just knowing that i was doing this all "subconsciouls" just scared the hell out of me. it still does. and now i'm at a new university and don't know anyone ... and i'm suppose to be enjoying my frosh week but i'm so scared too. i want to drink and "experience" everything ... but i'm scared that it will only make me more depressed because alcohol does have that affect on me.

I want to look into the counselling services here, but I dont imagine they will be open until classes in a little over a week ... and it said on the website that full-time students have 8 free sessions per semester... that equals out to about twice a month ... and i dont know if that is enough.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this? i feel at such a loss right now ...