Thanks, eskielover. As for reality, I think trying to do anything with reality is like trying to nail jello to a wall. When I was in Mensa, I used to argue with people about reality. I thought that there were absolutes, and other people argued that it's all in the eye of the beholder. Years down the line, I think they're right. What's Ashleigh Brilliant's quote: "I have abandoned reality and am now looking for a good fantasy" or something like that? Amen.

I'm "trying" to accep that I'm "supposed' to be where I am, in pite of how much pain it causes me. That there must be some lesson I haven't learned form it yet (and I'll be able to move on when I have). I have a greeting card I got in a metaphysical store. It says: "This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you." Talk about believing that God doesn't love me! LOL

Then there's that line from Desiderata :
"And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. " A very scary and demoralizing thought to me.


I just want to/have to believe that somewhere out there is a secret for how to change things and make them better. I just haven't found it yet. (I hope I live long enough to find it...)