Hello Shikma,
I am 23 and have had anorexia/bumlimia for the past 11 years. Right now it's fairly stable, but I can relate to a lot of what you say in your post. I understand the needing food so badly, yet hating it at the same time. I hope you can get the support you are looking for here. I'm am here to listen, if you need to talk. Just pm me. I also have BPD and depression as well, so I can relate there too. Best of wishes to you hun.
sniffles