I don't even know what to say Trippin . I have thought about this before with your brother, and I cannot imagine your pain. Sometimes the temptation to look further maybe comes because we have feelings that still need attended to.

This is something I really wish I could take away for you, or spare you the pain if I could take it on my own. And there is nothing I can do to change it.

I would probably say not to keep putting yourself back there, although I don't know if I could or not or what is the right way to handle it, there likely is no right way.

Do you talk to him? I know you have dreams sometimes about people who have passed. Sorry I am just trying to think of something that could bring you some peace in the heart. Please no harm meant.

I am listening and I care about you so much, you are my sister.. I feel that for you too.