awww i can feel your loneliness in your words Starrynight.

Nightshifts are definitely the worst for throwing your routine and your mood.
Also i'd imagine the uncertainty surrounding your T must be adding to your stress. I def think you need to think about finding extra support while your T is away, this has been going on a longtime and it doesn't look like she's going to be back anytime soon.

in the meantime, try to be kind to yourself, keep telling yourself "this will pass" you will come out the other side of this. And keep posting here, there's always someone around to talk to.

xx