Welcome.

I am sorry you are in such a bad place right now. I have been there and it's really painful. Some t's will let you talk about those thoughts, and some won't. I think it depends on your history and how productive talking about them would be.

Can I tell you that sui is not better than hospitalization? Don't fear the hospital. It isn't much help, except for a med change and eval. A little group. A lot of crazies. But it's not always a bad experience at all for people. I think talking with your t about what would happen and which hospital would be best for you would be good though. Kind of a preventative plan. I know exactly where I would be if I fall down again, and the specialist I see knows as well. Take away the fear by putting a well thought out safety plan in place.