I am so scared of my phone! I haven't checked my voicemail for 8 months. I am planning to send job applications this week, so I need to clear my old ones and be able to check new ones. I am completely terrified.

I have social phobia and feel so guilty for the times when I don't respond to calls or emails out of fear. The guilt/shame keeps me from wanting to face the evidence of it, and it builds up over time. So I just pretend it isn't there; but it lurks in the back of my mind and feels awful.

I find email equally scary. So many people wanting responses. I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. I did manage to send emails to my references last week. It took 3 months of working on my mh issues to do it. I got responses right away, and it made me feel worse. Positive attention is sometimes even scarier than the disapproval I'm so afraid of facing all the time!

I feel so inept. I'm hoping that writing this out is a first step in facing those voicemails. Recordings can't really hurt me. I guess I'm afraid there will be bad news I can't handle, or I'll find out I failed at some social obligation. But ignoring the voicemail won't make problems stop.

I don't have a problem making professional calls, even if I'm sometimes awkward. But personal calls--just nope. Can't think if it.

I wish my brain didn't make the simplest things so painful. Every time my inbox crosses my mind I feel sick and terrified. Ugh.