you guys, I am still not doing well. And this is the worst week every to have a mini breakdown! I am moving our office this week over the holiday weekend.

But I keep seeing in my mind that man getting in that woman's face and then hitting and pushing her

And I feel guilty too. I feel ridiculous in retrospect: I was so shocked that the man actually put his hands on that woman. Because when I was explaining it to the detective, I was indignant. And he was so calm and sweet and thanked me...in that world, it is probably something (but nothing compared to what he has to witness on a daily basis).

And thinking about the woman who lived next door, who is the wife of the leader at the building, who witnessed the man grab the woman - and she did nothing about it. Just shut off the lights and went to sleep And the next day, it was like nothing happened.

And the sadness I feel that the dispatcher asked me "Is there a weapon involved. Do you see a gun?"

And it leads me to have horrible memories again where I feel so guilty and helpless and overwhelmed with grief....flashbacks and feelings of grief and dispair.

When my beloved birth mom separated from her husband (finally) and got her own place and was on the upswing in life! She called me and told me how excited she was to show me and us all that she'd accomplished. I was so incredibly happy for her!

And she made an appt and went back to the house to get the last of her things...and her ex-to-be (monster) was hiding with a gun. And chased her down the hallway and shot her in the back multiple times. And when she was down on the floor....shot her in her head.

(I was not at the house at the time, but I was there the next day. My sister walked me through the whole thing: so I saw the bullet holes and some blood - and the room where it started and the hallway she ran down to get away from him .... ) My mother.

Who could have imagined (and he was supposed to be such a great, sane, respectable guy). I cannot stand this. I hate my life.