I have some pretty severe issues with men. Trust issues mostly the men I have known have either hurt me sexually, physically or emotionally. The funny thing is that my therapist is a man ha ha jokes on me right? Figures but at the same time if I can talk to him even to a point that progress for me. I don't know how to bring up this issue though because it's hard enough to post it online let alone talk about it!
I think some of my issue is also social anxiety as well with the above I just tend to mentally shut down. Then u feel extreme shame, guilt yada yada. while I do have a low sex drive I think if I wasnt dealing with the other stuff to begin with I would be at least somewhat functional. At the same time I miss having someone in my life I feel in a way more depressed and volunerable I miss the connection on a emotion level the idea of dating though with the idea that at some point "more" will be expected is not something I feel at this point I can handle. I love the holding hands and being somewhat near but can't go past that at this point. I feel asking for anyone to date me is unreasonable and unfair to them. This though makes me feel so lonely depressed and I just want to cry.
It's been well over a year since I've "been" with someone and I still have a very low drive and the idea is scary and I know it would be forced out of duty only. I know the feel of duty is a major issue as to why my husband hated me and became more abusive. This is a big reason I feel unsafe at getting into a new relationship.
Rain your brother sounds a lot like me. Now if I could find someone with similar fears maybe I could do a bit better then again I don't know. I certainly don't want to hurt someone because I am not stable. It does make me feel worthless and hopeless. I am in counseling I have a hard time even scratching the surface of many of the things going in without shutting down or putting up walls. The idea of asexual dating feels safer to me and I think maybe worth at least reading more on.