Dear T,

I am very scared to see you tomorrow and talk about that subject. I feel like I am BAD. I'm ashamed to look at you--ever! How am I going to get past this? I don't understand what my feelings are and if they are "those" kind or not. J. said they weren't, that they were sensual. What do you mean that you "saw and felt it?" Do you know how I wanted to sink into the floor when you said those words? You make me cry. I thought I was okay because I don't want to "do" anything with you, but if it feels "too good" is that just as bad? When you said "crossing over" I felt more confused and embarrassed. I don't know if I can look at you tomorrow. If I blush will you will think it's happening again? Maybe I should fingerpaint or draw tomorrow so I can talk, instead of doing SE.

Is it still okay to love you?

rainbow