Dear Young Woman I had the misfortune to see today, You have been sold a bill of goods. The sheer grey footless pantyhose you were wearing, without underwear, instead of pants in 40 degree weather with a waist-length jacket exposed your entire lower half for the world to see. I could see that you were slim, but with some serious jiggle that I can guarantee you won't get better with age. In fact it was your pink-from-the-cold, wobbly, bobbly, wiggly, jiggly bouncing buttocks that I could clearly see through your pantyhose-masquerading-as-pants that not only caught my attention but made a little throw up come into my mouth. The first few times I saw you and your sisters doing this in public I thought "oh, they can't possibly know that they are exposing themselves". But if that is the case, why is every single one of you also wearing a waist length jacket? I haven't seen this many waist length jackets since the 70s.

I urge you to reconsider your attire. I can't imagine a decent man would want his girlfriend to parade around basically half naked. And I also can't imagine why you'd want to give peeks at your privates to every Tom, **** and Harry. Please, keep your cracks and crevices to your own private self.

Signed,
My eyes are scalded