I was recently faced with the hard truth that I've been facing depression for a lot longer than I initially thought... It just didn't strike me as 'depression' because I can distract myself and feel better temporarily to cover it up..

I read old journals I wrote years ago...and this has been going on for a few years at minimum now. I found poetry I wrote, explaining how I felt miserable, hopeless. etc.

I remember feeling like this in high school too though.

Lack of interest in things once enjoyed...Detaching from friends/loved ones...Little to no motivation to get up and do things, even simple tasks..Insomnia...No energy to really do anything, sometimes even get out of bed.
The only reasons to do so are food or take care of the dogs. My dogs' needs come before mine sometimes. fixating on past failures and blaming myself when things aren't going right...

I've never SI'd, but one day when I was feeling at an all time low I wrote a story about someone who used SI to 'escape' the misery. I haven't told my T that yet...didn't think it'd be worth it.

Just when I thought I managed to escape depression, the truth hits me right in the face. Ow. :/

(Ftr: I have medical causes ruled out already, after a full lab done by my PCP..so there's no real doubt that I'm facing depression after all.)

I guess this is just yet another thing to bring up to my T after all. As if I don't have enough on my plate already.