I'm not sure I've ever made a thread here since I joined. I just read a post where someone asked if anyone else was miserable and hard to be around. I didn't want to give an answer about me because the poster seemed down already and I suspect wasn't really looking for a personal answer. But I wanted to answer.
No, I'm not miserable... I just don't like life anymore. I'm sick and I'm tired.
No, I'm not hard to be around. People seem drawn to me and I've always found it effortless to make friends online and IRL. If I was wealthy I'd probably know exactly how Richard Cory felt.
I just ****ing don't like life. I'm not looking for any sympathy or support.
This is just a virtual equivilent to going outside and shouting out **** you to the world. If there is a god then I'm damned. I find it hard to get worked up about that. If there is a god he had a pisspoor plan and if burning in hell is my fate for having the intellect to recognize it then I prefer that to an eternity of singing praises to him. But then I don't believe. I've never seen a shred of evidence. And I can't buy into the whole faith thing. If the secret to eternal life is believing some collection of ancient poorly translated stories all I can do is laugh at the absurdity.
I'm tired of seeing small minded hateful people triumph. I'm tired of witnessing casual acts of cruelty. I'm tired of fools who wouldn't even recognize an accurate and objective written description of themselves.
I'm tired of hypocrisy.
I'm tired of life. I'm tired of me. I have a feeling my post is going to be deleted and I'm really tired of that. On the other hand if my post isn't deleted I'll probably regret opening up and giving a glimpse inside the walls.