sounds to me suga ...you sincerely want some time to heal. Depression causes emotional and mental injury

...sometimes...well it's hard to decide whats better?

to make the self nurturing choice to go while still rational enough....

or to wait until it's so necessary as like forced upon you because the depression has gone and got right out of hand.

..it's something only you know exactly what it's doing to you and you deserve to heal....no-one here wants you to hurt. I hope it works out suga.