</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
does this help,.....or does this make sense.
You do become tied to people, you do become attached to people ...but you deny it

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i dunno, to be honest - there are people with whom i have genuine attachments: some of my friends, my little brother etc, but they are all people with whom i've chosen to attach. i think the brother thing sums it up quite well: i genuinely don't feel any bond (emotional) with my parents, apart from a purely intellectual liking for them as people/personalities (at least a lot of the time), or with my other brother, but with my little brother, well, we're 8 years apart, and i became actual "friends" with him when we were both young, but there's not much there in terms of familial bonding. he was telling me how he worries when i'm ill and i said why and he said "because you're my big sister" - and i was sitting there thinking "but i don't feel that: i like you, you're cool, we have fun, but no more".

but when my parents (with whom i feel nothing emotionally) go away, i get ill. even when i was at boarding school, i would go completely out of control. and yet, when it came to going "home" i would have a major issue because i couldn't stand to be around them.

i really do feel that my attachments are only ones i've chosen, my friends etc, but also ones i control to some extent: ie all my best friends live far away, and i see some of them only 2-3 times a year, but they're still my closest friends. i don't like it when i have to be around people all the time, it annoys me. even my best friends i can only deal with at a distance. i have housemates and they constantly drive me up the wall, and if i could regularly time out from them, that would help.

in fact, if i had to self-dx (which obviously i realise is irresponsible and whatnot) i would suggest i was schizoid PD. the DSM cites a need to be alone, to take part in solitary activities to the exclusion of sociability, no real desire to be popular, a loner attitude etc. i would say i display all of that, and have done for years. i did go through a stage of going out with friends a lot, when i was much younger, but really, that was more about it being expected of me at that age, and i was manic for a long period, which involved lots of alcohol and sexual experience, but now i hate all of that. even back then i relished time to myself, but now i actually loathe having to socialise. even if my best friend visits, all i can think about is how she's making a dent in the sofa cushion - i always sit in the same spot, to watch telly, to eat my meals etc, and if the rest of the sofa is disturbed i get quite upset. but that's just my own thoughts on it...

also, sorry for the late reply, my computer's been in repair