I don't want to diagnose but the fact that you're reaching out by telling your story is an act of courage. I commend you for doing this and for being here. I would hope you can find a safe and stable place and that you have the financial resources to provide for yourself. I hope you can find the help you need. A professional who knows what they're doing (they are not equally competent) would be a good start. It seems to me you've been receiving so many put downs. Easy to feel so small and unworthy after living this way. I find that being with people who listen and lift me up helps so much. Welcome the door is open.