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Nov 20, 2012, 09:41 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 656
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nathaniel1993
Sam2, thank you for replying to my post.
I would be relieved if I knew that his behavior was caused by the lack of acceptance for his sexual orientation. I'm sure it would be much easier for him to deal with this, than, for example abuse.
I'm grateful to you for mentioning your friend and the feelings she had towards her sister. I was quite disturbed by his behavior but now I'm glad to know that he's not the only one doing something like that.
You've also mentioned that people molested at a young age may become promiscuous in later life. Does it mean that he might have been abused in a sexual way as a child, and that caused his sudden change in behavior now, after all the years? Is that possible? I thought that something must have happened to him recently.. But maybe I'm wrong, I'm really no good at psychology.
Like you suggested, I will keep trying to make him get some sort of help but I won't try to force him to. Still, I wish he'd tell me what really is going on because if someone had hurt him, I will make sure that this person gets punished.
I know I should be supportive but sometimes I just can't take his attitude anymore and yell at him. I even hit him once. I still feel horrible about that, I know it was the wrong thing to do but I just completely lost my temper. I was exhausted because I've just returned from work, he made such a mess in the house.. He was a bit drunk and began to talk about sex again, he was just.. trying to hit on me I guess, and no matter what, he wouldn't shut up. I apologized to him on the next day but he didn't seem to care about what happened at all.
Do you all think that I should just leave him alone now? I mean, let him skip, take the sedatives and just ignore him when he comes to my bed? Sorry for all the questions but I'm just trying to find the best way to help him.
I also wanted to apologize for my last post, I just noticed it was full of typos and errors, really sorry, I was very tired when typing.
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I went back and re-read your original post. There are questions I didn't address, but before I do that, I'll try to answer you later posted questions.
For a person to be effected by sexual abuse, it does not have to be recent, nor does it have to have been an ongoing situation. Much of that depends on the individual and the age at which the abuse occured. IF your brother was abused at some point and never talked about it to anyone, over time, he may draw his own conclusions as to why it happened, why he didn't fight back (our minds can really find ways of punishing ourselves over time for things we had no control over). If he did say something and was punished or teased about the incident, that would certainly be upsetting.
It sounds like you need to set some boundries about your brother's behavior as far as wanting to get into bed with you. Without knowing him, its hard to say if he is just seeing how far he can push you before you no longer put up with it, or he actually has an attraction to you. Either way, the longer it goes on, the harder it will be to stop. He may not even know himself what he wants.
Harley, Lynn and the others all have valid concerns. The fact that your brother is not sleeping and losing weight is not a good sign. Your brother needs a professional to determine exactly what is going on. If the problem is mental illness, it needs to be treated like any other illness. If he is using drugs, throwing them out won't get you anywhere, and might be dangerous. Either way, you are not dealing with a problem that you can fix on your own. Having lost a friend to drug abuse, I can tell you that someone addicted to drugs is not rational and will do things that they ordinarily would never do. Some of which are dangeous. You also have to worry about the people who are supplying any drugs he may be taking. You don't want to be in the middle of it.
The bottom line is that you are in over your head, and it sounds like you know it. No one can tell you whether the best thing is to tell him to shape up or leave, or continue to support him. What ever has caused the initial problem, there are now layers of secondary problems on top. Perhaps he will get help if you go with him. He has to know at some level that you are between him living in a home and living on the street. Unfortunately, that also leaves you open to major manipulation. You don't want to lose your brother to drugs, suicide or some dealer's gun. Sometimes if you can open up a small crack by talking to someone, everything else starts to come out. Please do everything you can to get help for him and yourself. You can even call a counsellor or psychiatrist and make an appointment for you to find out how to handle the situation.
Stay safe and let us know how things go.
Sam2
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