is it wrong for me to keep coming here for support...it doesn't feel wrong...I like to think of you all as my family...and I need my family to support me always...but when I make boneheaded mistakes it will be pointed out to me...and I know it isn't done with any kind of malice intended to hurt me...it is done out of love for me and for each other...the one thing thta has always been missing from my life is a sense of family...I didnt feel it when I was growing up...as a matter fact the greatest thing my own father did for me is was when he would stop the hitting when he saw blood...recently I have been thinking that I want to be apart of my own kids lives but do I have the right to want that or even deserve that chance...I left because i was terrified that I might be my father...they have a father who is strong caring and loving and he has raised them to be healthy responsible adults...which brings me to my problem as of late...right now it is only me who is hurting but if i make that phone call I could be destrying their worlds by popping back up again...it is a struggle and then reading about others here who have had father issues made me realize that I dont deserve to be apart of their lives and I guess thats why I am so depressed...it is too late to hold any of them in my arms or tell them how much I love them and that I left because I thought I was doing the right thing...but then I could've sought help instead of running...hindsight is always 20/20 isnt it...