I happened to see a special on Steven Speilburg unhappyguy. He talked about how very troubled his childhood was, didn't have any friends and was bullied a lot. He grew up the only Jewish child in his neighborhood, so he was never "accepted" by the other children.

His mother was/is a very positive person and adventurous and funny. That helped him a lot growing up. His father was always working though so he didn't get to really have a relationship with his father. His parents got divorced and he always blamed his father for that. However, the reality was that it was his mother that had an affair which led to that divorce, not the father. But Steven always blamed his father and for many years until just recently, he finally learned the truth and finally made up with his father.

Steven, with no friends, did have a facination with film. He made his own little movies and over time learned more, created more, and we all know and enjoy his work. Most of his movies have a "base theme" that revolves around a "single mother" and an absent father and a charector that is different and often struggles with "being different and acceptance". One film we all know and love, ET, is a perfect example of that theme, the children are being raised by a mother who is divorced and struggling.

The reason why Steven Speilburg's movies are so memorable is that "many" if not "most" people can identify with his charectors on some level. And Walt Disney had a lot of that type of theme in many his movies as well. I can remember finally getting to a point where I was hesitant about going to a Disney movie because many times Disney had the mother "die" or be absent in his movies. I remember saying that I didnt like Disney because all of the mothers die and I wanted to not have to see that.

I have often shared my own story here and I have a "very" challenging childhood myself. And now that I think of it, the Disney movies helped me alot, because there was always a message to "keep trying". And one thing that is always going to affect me is whenever I see a "group" all join together to "pick on someone or something" I do get upset to my core.

When I talk about "self love" unhappyguy, I know how important it is to find your way to think about yourself in a much more loving way and "not" accept the negetive messages that others send "unfairly". The truth is, there are alot of selfish crappy people in the world. My therapist has confirmed that many times for me. And "self love" is one of the most important tools to have when it comes to "thriving".

In my therapy session this week my therapist told me that I am in the stage of PTSD where I am truely "mourning" what was "lost or taken" in my life. I am recognizing all the times that I had to find a way to work around some kind of abuse that kept me from feeling safe and having a "normal childhood". However it wasn't "just my childhood" it was in my teens and even in my marriage. I do "cry alot" because I am looking at it all very differently. However, that is a "normal" part of the "healing process" that needs validation and a guide so that "healing" can finally take place.

I know you have not been able to have therapy unhappyguy, and you have talked about how you seem to be stuck and discouraged. Well, you have to go through the whole healing process , with the right support, to finally get to a point where you actually do begin to understand and feel the "healing".

For me personally, I got to a point where I began to recognize my "gains". However, I also had a lot of things come up that challenged me and I fell backwards and really struggled like I had in the beginning where I was really challenged and crippled and confused. But this time, I was much better and being able to "slowly pull myself out of it".

I happened to have a customer this week that came to my farm that was another big help. The customer was a Neuropsychiatrist that does have patients with PTSD. I decided to tell her that I have been battling PTSD. I was not sure how she was going to react to that but to my surprise her response was "Wow, you are very brave to admit that because most people who have PTSD don't admit they struggle with it".

She brought her three children and that kept me busy, however I did manage to have a chance to talk to her. She told me that with PTSD, the patients can learn to manage the "PTSD episodes that come up" better and better to where they can manage their lives better as well. She did agree that my brain has "changed" and I will always have PTSD. However, I will learn in therapy and time that I can get better and better and "controlling" it.

This "self love and self soothing" I talk about alot unhappyguy is "very important" to develope. It is making sure you set aside a part of yourself that recognizes these "flareups and episodes" and comes in to remind self not to "feed into" the strong emotions and anxieties that come forward. I talk about the "after" alot, and that is always when the "learning about healing" takes place with PTSD. So what I mean by that is that often when a "trigger" takes place what happens is a PTSD episode takes place. The episodes can have different strengths to them and I have also talked about the "wave". The episode comes in a "wave" where it rushes in, crests and then slowly receeds. What I have learned about that is that unfortunately we cannot "stand in front of the wave and stop it", we have to learn how to let it come forward, crest, and receed, "then" we can take time to think about what it means, validate it and say "yes, that did happen, it comes from this bad experience and hurt, and I was reminded of it, but it really is not happening the same now" and each time that is done, when the wave comes again from another trigger and episode, it is "weaker".
Eventually, the overall goal is, and it does happen, is these waves slowly turn into more of a "ripple".

Each person is different depending on their personal history unhappyguy. But if we develope this "self caring awareness" we learn to "not self punish and feed into these episodes which can make them stronger". We instead learn to help our brains calm down and make "gains" and we do begin to slowly feel better and experience longer periods of "emotional balance".

Think about this for a bit.

Any questions?

Open Eyes