I just tried to call T, and she's already out of the office for the holiday. I'm not going to call her on her cell phone. I know this is not an emergency, even though it kind of feels like one to me. So, I thought maybe I'd reach out here...or at least, get my thoughts out somewhere other than my journal.

I finally agreed to see a p-doc and after some trial and error, we found a med that is actually managing my anxiety really well. I haven't had a panic attack in 3 weeks!!! And, things that would normally cause my anxiety to skyrocket haven't. It's been really nice. However, this morning, I realized that in the next few days, I have all kinds of anxiety triggers occurring, and I'm not feeling anxious at all. Then, I started freaking out because I'm not freaking out. I don't actually know how to handle not being anxious. I know that normally I would be feeling very anxious about Thanksgiving - having to eat with family and spend time with family. I have company coming tomorrow - normally, I'd be panicking about making sure my house is perfect before they get here. I'm going out of town this weekend to some place new...huge anxiety trigger normally. But, right now, I'm just a little worried about these things...I'm not feeling the extreme physical anxiety reactions I normally would.

I honestly do not know how to handle this extreme lessening of anxiety. I almost feel like a part of me is missing or shut down (and yes, in a way it is, but that's supposed to be good, right?). I really, really wish I could talk to T about this!!!!!! I just need to hear that it's okay to not be anxious, that it's a good thing I'm not feeling anxious. This is what we've been working towards, I just wasn't expecting such a drastic change.