It's November, and I am having a horrible month both financially and emotionally, what a surprise. Whenever this month comes around, I have to wonder why it is I even wake up in the morning, because nothing does improve; it is, unfortunately, an endless cycle of hope and despair, although more despair than hope.

Here I am again on PC crying, wondering why it is that 'crying' is not an option on the 'My Mood' feature, since that is what I spend a significant amount of time doing anyhow .

Because I now have a negative bank account balance, I have now doubled the bills I would normally have to afford next month from NFS fees, and combine this with chronic, long-term loneliness, everyone will have to excuse my lack of optimism about the future. When people talk to me about hope and the future, it can sound like to me they're saying, "Don't worry, you will win $50 million in Lotto Max one day," because what they predict my future to be seems so absurd to me that I feel I have a better chance at winning a load of cash than their predictions coming true.

It's too bad I ran out of that old medication of mine; now would be the perfect time to overdose on it like I used to do to remain passed out for as long as possible. Closest thing to death that I can experience .

Who'd have thought that after my dad killed himself I'd spend the next several years totally cut off from the rest of the world, unemployed, fail in school, and living in and out of poverty.

Too stupid for school; too broke meet descent women, and what women I do meet don't like me anyway; too screwed up to hold down stable employment.

Really living life to its fullest…