so lately I have not been doing so well (and I agree with someone else on a different thread, can't remember who, that said it could be due to the holidays) ANYWAY...

**************** Warning:Trigger ***********************

I usually have been satisfied with just lightly cutting. Now that's not enough. I feel disappointed afterwards, like I haven't hurt myself enough. The sad part is (or maybe more properly the GOOD thing is) is that I don't think I have the cahones to do worse, even though I want to hurt myself worse. Make sense? Probly not. But it drives me crazy because I feel like I am failing everywhere in life (literally I have failed quite a bit in life) so I guess it's kinda Par for the Course that I should not be "good enough" at cutting too. I just am messed up.

Don't know if I want to stop, but don't know if I can push that much farther, either.

Bleck.

Sorry I am whiny today. I know I should be thankful this time of the year....so I am sorry for posting this.......