Went to movies with My youngest. Feel anxiety. *Feel restless. *I need to take my Ativan. *When I feel this way, I feel the need to get out of here. *I can't stand being in my body. *I feel very uncomfortable. *I need to hurry through whatever I'm doing. *I can't get my food eaten - it comes to a standstill because I can't possibly go that quickly. *I should take my Ativan but I'm at a restaurant and that means I need to drive. *I am already bouncing a lot. *It's a feeling like I need to run outside of myself. *I would've thought this feeling would be gone by now. *I still need to do an errand after this. *Kids have the day off hence why I'm going to the movies. Need to scream but when I take the Ativan I feel very slow and like I want to sleep for hours. *What a choice!!! *I start to take a drink of my diet Pepsi and I need to be done when I just started. *I have no patience! *It almost feels like mania but without the need to talk. *I'm just very uncomfortable. *My legs are shaking again. *What a choice! *I have to drive after this and getting a DUI would be very bad. *<p>
I got home and my mother's idiot husband began giving me his holier-than-thou-****-you face. *I had visions of last time I went to the psych ER over something similar. He was yelling at my daughter that her room needs cleaned right this minute (because family is coming over tomorrow *for Thanksgiving). *The attitude, the indignant face. *The fact that he annoys me to no end! *Last time I was in the ER was because I fell into a puddle of sobbing. *I am not doing that now but I am having those feelings of wanting to kill. *The situation at least but I can't stand when people treat my children horribly and then dismiss me. *I hate it. *Plain and simple, I hate it. I am already not feeling well. *Thoughts are going downhill. *I managed to take my youngest out to eat after a movie but as you read above my sense of reality is askew. *Oh dear. *Is Ativan my cure-all? *Why couldn't the Saphris have worked? *I can clean my room as that seems to be-all around here. *Not that it's really that dirty. *One of my best friends seems to have shut his phone off all day. *I want to cry and scream. *I'm scared. *The back-up beeping of the truck a few doors down is stabbing bloody holes in my ear. <p>
I called the psych ER and they talked with me. *I cried as i talked. *That's the first time in months that ive even remotely felt said. *I cant stand this. The ER woman Said to call my psych dr. *So now we're waiting for that. *Could be 2 or 3 hours.<p>