I feel like I do t know what is coming next. *I'm crying. *I was crying on the phone to my psych dr. *She said I need to get through this feeling with Ativan. *Twice a day. *That and getting away from my mom's husband are the only ways Ti cope. *She said to go to the hospital of I have feelings of needing to kill people. *Right now I can't stand being in my own body. *I cried to my pdoc on the phone and I'm crying now. It's been so long since I've cried. *And I feel like my only choice is to take Ativan and hope I feel better. *That taking Ativan is my only choice and that means I can't do anything or go anywhere unless I'm with a friend who drives me. *I feel like I don't know what is coming next- I don't know my own mind. *And it will take a week for the Saphris to get out of my system. *My friend who usually is around isn't today. *I'm talking to him. Crying. *he's in another town. *Another friend is picking me up. * Yay! *I think it's time for Ativan. *Tired of crying. Hopefully no more to add but we'll see. *I could really use a hug.