I'm done

**** it I'm done. I don't like being stable, doubt this is stable. I can't get use to this. No more meds, no more therapy, just me on my swing! Anyone that want's to ride with me and my violence is welcome but I'm done.

Yes we have a house, food, electric and water but I have no more relationships to anyone! I'm sick of being a parent to my husband. Trying to get him up and to shower once a week. I almost feel like a hateful room mate around him. I have no idea how to be a ****ing parent like this. People IRL are talking **** about us pushing our “responsibilities” (our son) on to others. It's only a matter of time until he overhears them and thinks we don't care. I can't spend holidays with my family. Bursting into tears isn't appropriate when the use hostile humor is the way your family interacts.

AD's aren't working and the ones that do I can't be on due to co-morbid issues or my jaw starts locking. I miss the adrenaline. I miss the powerful feeling. I miss days having far more hours then they should.

I don't want new meds, I've cycled through all the weight neutral drugs. I wont go back on them. I tried again and I'm done! I'd rather be small and have relationships than sane. Pdoc & T can't even agree on what I have!! I don't even know if I'm still considered BPI. I give.